Small Steps

rest-don't-quit.jpg

PHEW. I am glad this week is coming to an end. Earlier today I had my third doctor’s appointment of the week and now I need to smash out both mine and Brad’s tax returns this weekend. Screw being an adult, amirightlol. I don’t have a Friday Favourites post for you today because the only favourite I have right now is my bed. But I wanted to pop in and say hi anyway! So... hey! How was your week? Do you have any fun weekend plans? :)

-

The other week I mentioned that I had been feeling kind of rough lately and was getting blood/pee tests done. My results came back and they’re mostly great and so much better than I expected. Low cholesterol, good kidney and liver function, good blood pressure etc etc. But I got my first HbA1c result since being diagnosed with the betus back in May and this result was a weird one. I fully expected to have made an improvement but still be on the higher side since I’m still a newbie and my pancreas hasn’t fully given up yet so my response to my insulin doses is often unpredictable and my glucose levels are still out of control at times. But my result was actually much much lower than it should have been. I woke up to loads of missed calls from my doctor, which is never a nice feeling. They're a bit concerned so they want me to come in more and do more frequent blood tests, but in a weird way I’m happy that this is the outcome instead of the other extreme.

This blood test was also the first time I've seen a 'big needle' since I got the lump removed from my boob, again back in May. Since then I've become incredibly nervous about surgeries and needles etc. (Which is funny considering I now inject myself anything up to ten times a day, lol life.) I was awake while they did it and it was the most painful experience of my life and I guess left me with somewhat of a psychological trauma. I used to love watching surgeries and stuff online and would happily watch if someone had to take my blood, but ever since that day, if I see something like that and start thinking about the procedure I had, I get hot and panic and if I don't distract myself immediately I fall into a full blown panic attack. So needless to say, I was pretty fucking nervous about going for this blood test. Luckily, I knew the nurse who was doing it because I spent a month after the procedure going in for daily dressing changes, so I'm pretty much best friends with everyone in my doctor's surgery now lol. So at least I was comfortable and she let me take my time. Unfortunately after hyping myself up and letting her tap my vein, the vein collapsed and she couldn't draw any blood from it (HEAVY BREATHING) so we had to start again and move over to the other arm. I couldn't watch her put the needle in, but this time I managed to watch her draw the blood. It was hard, but I did it! It might seem like such a small thing but it was such a big deal for me. I'm not as hardcore and as fearless as I used to be, but I managed to watch a tame surgery show this week and it feels like such a huge achievement.

Today I posted a new video series idea called 'Quick Inspo'. For the longest time I've felt like I can't upload beauty content because no matter how different I try to make the looks, there are only so many ways I can wear eyeshadow and describe the same techniques. Brad suggested I make some videos without voice overs and the extra editing, not only to avoid repeating the same stuff, but also so I have something to upload on weeks like this where I don't have time to do a full on edit. I've also been wanting to start asking for requests and this seems like a nice way include it. It could be for for an event, certain colours, products... Anything you need some 'quick inspo' for. I'm also thinking of doing some 'get ready with me' style videos and challenging my anxiety riddled ass to try some talk-throughs where I try out and share thoughts on new products. But more on that later, if it works out. I mentioned a little while ago that I wouldn't be doing beauty on my channel anymore but that's not going to be the case. I think things had just gotten a bit stale and I just needed a way to mix things up and bring the inspiration back. I'm looking forward to trying some new stuff! :)


Follow me → Twitter / Facebook / Instagram / Bloglovin' / #emmapickles ♡